Who am I? Before I met Jesus, I was a prideful, opinionated, alcoholic, sex enthusiast, Adderall popping, attention obsessed, broken train wreck coming to a city near you! So far gone in my mind, yet standing before the mirror in delusion every morning thinking I was a “good person.” Deceiving myself daily! My uncle once told me that “the coldest part about being deceived is you don’t know that you’re being deceived.” Ain’t that the truth!
On July 27, 2018, I was navigating an issue at home, frustrated at work, and experiencing a hangover because I had drunk too much the night before. Not to mention a tsunami of bitterness I had saved up over the years, making me emotionally unstable. Ready to “pop-off” in an instant. Usually, when I’m feeling this way, I would grab a bottle after work and drink my problems away.
I can’t remember all the details but will never forget my pain. I was experiencing the pain of failure, emptiness, loneliness, regret, frustration, and etc. (I could go on all day, but I respect your time boo). I felt exhausted! Not sleepy or weary. Lifeless! Not only was I exhausted, but I was also lost and did not know where to go. I remember turning onto I-5 at the southbound Orillia ramp and clasping into tears. I had been trying to hold up this thing called life, and I couldn’t do it anymore. I felt like I was running in circles, and every time I completed a lap, there was no time to rest. I would be already in the next lap lagging behind. But GOD!!!
Instead of calling somebody to cry about my life (like I usually would), I felt an overwhelming presence that I could not deny. I felt the presence of God, and he spoke to me. The Lord said to me, “I know that you want to help a lot of people, but if you keep going this way, you’re not going to make it. At that moment, I knew the truth. God’s truth and I surrendered. Hello Jesus!