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Hello Jesus!

Who am I? Before I met Jesus, I was a prideful, opinionated, alcoholic, sex enthusiast, Adderall popping, attention obsessed, broken train wreck coming to a city near you! So far gone in my mind, yet standing before the mirror in delusion every morning thinking I was a “good person.” Deceiving myself daily! My uncle once told me that “the coldest part about being deceived is you don’t know that you’re being deceived.” Ain’t that the truth!

On July 27, 2018, I was navigating an issue at home, frustrated at work, and experiencing a hangover because I had drunk too much the night before. Not to mention a tsunami of bitterness I had saved up over the years, making me emotionally unstable. Ready to “pop-off” in an instant. Usually, when I’m feeling this way, I would grab a bottle after work and drink my problems away.

I can’t remember all the details but will never forget my pain. I was experiencing the pain of failure, emptiness, loneliness, regret, frustration, and etc. (I could go on all day, but I respect your time boo). I felt exhausted! Not sleepy or weary. Lifeless! Not only was I exhausted, but I was also lost and did not know where to go. I remember turning onto I-5 at the southbound Orillia ramp and clasping into tears. I had been trying to hold up this thing called life, and I couldn’t do it anymore. I felt like I was running in circles, and every time I completed a lap, there was no time to rest. I would be already in the next lap lagging behind. But GOD!!!

Instead of calling somebody to cry about my life (like I usually would), I felt an overwhelming presence that I could not deny. I felt the presence of God, and he spoke to me. The Lord said to me, “I know that you want to help a lot of people, but if you keep going this way, you’re not going to make it. At that moment, I knew the truth. God’s truth and I surrendered. Hello Jesus!

Everything Counts

A conversation with someone sparked my desire to write this. She expressed love for God and then immediately told me how bad she felt for not actively participating in God’s work. She mentioned that she used to be active in the community, such as feeding the poor amongst other things, before she became ill. Now, her body was too weak to do those activities. 

So, what counts to God? …I’ll wait! 

God cares about it all. Before she confessed this to me, she poured words of encouragement, strength, and love over me, bringing me to tears. I told her that’s God’s work.

The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”

Mark 12:31 NLT

Everything you do is a part of God’s purpose as long as you lead with love and keep trying to share it with others. Don’t overthink your contribution. Love, pray, share memories, share laughter, encourage, and let it happen (God likes how you do it, boo!). Don’t limit your contribution to what you believe God wants you to do. Something you see as insignificant could be the turning point in somebody else’s life. 

We will experience seasons of running, walking, crawling, and sitting spiritually. God is not looking for us to do what we can’t do. He’s just looking for us to do what we can. Whatever that looks like for you. We are God’s children. What parent wouldn’t be proud of seeing their child trying? Especially trying no matter what’s going on in their life. That is the hope of Jesus! That is the actual work.

Lord, I pray that this message brings perspective and strength to those who doubt their genuine contribution to your kingdom. That no matter their reach, You are holding their hand as they stand firm in whatever this season calls for. I pray You give rest to everyone who has served faithfully for years and now is in an unfamiliar season. Silence the small voice in their mind that suggests that the small things are not God’s work. Thank you Jesus!

Trusting God

When I first started learning how to swim the instructor made me start in the shallow.

Hold on to the rim of the pool and kick.

Then swim with a float until I grew enough confidence and comfort to not use it.

That is the same exact process God is doing to get you to trust him completely, will you? Before you know it you will be swimming in the deep.

Bare – Will You Choose God?

Here is the truth! Sin is not just going to walk out your life boo! You literally have to make the choice everyday to stand strong and kick it out! So please don’t give in to that desire in your heart that’s telling you to cuss people out when you feel offended (which feels like everybody and they momma come out whenever you trying to be a better person). God longs to have a relationship with all of us though. Sin gets in the way of that (ultimately hurting us) and that’s why God sent Jesus. I’m grateful and will be forever thankful for that.

In the Romans 6:16, Paul is spreading this same message. He states:

Don’t you realize that grace frees you to choose your own master? But choose carefully, for you surrender yourself to become a servant – bound to the one you choose to obey. If you choose to love sin, it will become your master, and it will own and reward you with death. But if you choose to love and obey God, He will lead you into prefect righteousness.

(Romans 6:16, TPT)

Don’t you know how blessed we all are straight out of the gate because God gave us free will. The power to choose. From the very beginning of time, starting with Adam and Eve the Lord allowed us to choose. Right now you have the power to choose if you want the Lord in your life. If you want His help and the Holy Spirit to empower you. So, do you?

Transformation can be chaotic, especially when fighting against those things that are not of God in your heart. I asked the Lord, “Who am I?” Everything I thought I knew about myself was a lie which led to a even more disturbing discovery that I did not know who I was at all. The Lord did not answer my question though. Instead He gave me a better question. Which was… Lord, who are you? As I started to seek God, He revealed Himself to me. But in order to get to know God, I had to choose God.

Are you living? Do your day to day matter? Are you impactful? God has given all of us purpose. I discovered that life was too short to just be existing so I chose to be with the living God. Don’t miss that (soak it all in boo), I chose Jesus!

A Piece of the Puzzle

Pride and I are always in a constant quarrel. Sometimes still to this day, I make myself too available to pride. Gossiping, arrogantly judging others, and talking about how great I am to whoever would listen. Careless with my actions and speaking so much death into the atmosphere. I am wrapped in my desires so deep that I refuse to see the bigger picture because I have chosen only to see myself. Whenever I fall for it, the holy spirit brings conviction to my heart, and I repent (do not stay stuck, give it to the Lord and move forward).

Be free from pride-filled opinions, for they will only harm your cherished unity. Don’t allow self-promotion to hide in your hearts, but in authentic humility put others first and view others as more important than yourselves.

Philippians 2:3 (TPT)

In Philippians 2:3, we are instructed to choose unity above self. God’s plan for our lives is like a puzzle that He created, and each one of us is a piece of the puzzle. He made us all uniquely different but yet the same in His eyes. All of our callings are equally important to Him. It does not matter what piece of the puzzle you are because God is still checking for you boo! All of us still have to connect to another part of God’s plan. When prideful, we foolishly act like an entire puzzle instead of just a piece. We become MIA (missing in action), and someone is left disconnected. The spot remains vacant while God faithfully and patiently awaits us to humble ourselves.

God knows what the finished puzzle will look like, and all of us do not. Do not get caught parading your pride around. God is always so patient and loving with us, and we have to show those around us the same. Someone is waiting on all of us to get it right. To stop being so self-involved and start looking for an opportunity to connect. We have to humble ourselves so we can be in our proper position when the time comes. Everything is not going to happen in your timing boo. God will bless all of us who make ourselves available to Him. Say a prayer (or two) and be a piece of the puzzle!

Recognize the Enemy

Are we that fragile, or do we not know what the enemy looks like? As we grow in Christ, we should also grow in awareness, like recognizing the triangles, circles, rectangles, and squares in the image above. It is the same way we should be able to identify the enemy. Spoiler alert! The enemy shows up in pure normalcy. Through personal desires (your flesh), people, and circumstances. It shows up with aggression, chaos, or conflict. Please recognize that the enemy wants to drive our perspective to guide our response. You can tell because it does not align with God’s word. But the next time it knocks on your door, take a cue from Proverbs 15:1.

Respond gently when you are confronted and you’ll defuse the rage of another.

Responding with sharp, cutting words will only make it worse. Don’t you know that being angry can ruin the testimony of even the wisest of men?

Proverbs 15:1 (TPT)

I’m flooded with grace and hope that this message will penetrate someone’s hurt. We have to realize that God is in everyone whether we see it or not. Behind closed doors, someone is dealing with unimaginable pain and sin. Yet here we are as believers pissed off at how they didn’t speak to us in the correct tone. Or because they didn’t do what we asked them to. God has called us to be the salt of the world. Not to be plain and mimic whatever energy someone else is bringing. I bet if we were silent long enough, we would be able to recognize someone else pain, their heart, and ultimately their need. We may open ourselves up to a place we didn’t even know existed. A place where God wants to touch someone else through us! I hope and pray we all get to this point.

Wildfire – Gasping for Clean Air

The majority of us have never experienced a wildfire before, but every time one occurs, it has the potential to be deadly. Now that I’m figuratively in one, I can’t help but think, “what the hell was I thinking walking into this mess”! I spent a chunk of my “born again” life on fire for God. You couldn’t shake the peace that He had personally put into my heart. But I have been flakey as hell lately. Flakey in my obedience to God. The same God who sent His only son to the cross so that I may live in His grace to even write this post to you in the first place.

In the midst of my flakey nature, I have pressed to stay with Him just to cave in anyways. Now, I am in the middle of a wildfire gasping for clean air, but the only thing I see is smoke. The only thing I feel is heat, and the only thing I can hear is burning trees. I can smell the bark. I am so afraid that I panic. I fall into an attack ALL because I took my eyes off JESUS! I, little by little, stopped reading my bible and stopped prioritizing church. Then started looking at my circumstances. Then had the nerve to start acting as though I didn’t serve a God who conquered the world. The God of miracles. Yet, I chose to be small-minded. Lord, please help me out of here?

Bare – Encouraged & Malnourished

I used to call myself a baby Christian. Your girl didn’t grow up in the church, and I didn’t know the gospel either. Therefore, I considered myself in the early stages of my development and relationship with Christ. He knew me. Everything about me! Although I didn’t know much about Him, His presence just overcame my heart. I knew that I was in good hands and on fire for the Lord! I began recognizing God’s presence in my life but lacked his word and perspective. So, if that is where you are…don’t trip because you are God’s child.

Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him.

1 Chronicles 16:11 (NLT)

Start searching for God! Since I didn’t have a leg to stand on and was still dealing with my fair share of daily chaos (that I didn’t trust God to help me with yet), I started by seeking Him in others. I reached out to my uncle and auntie, vested believers in God. I shared my testimony and was able to have genuine fellowship with them. I told my auntie that I didn’t own a bible, so she gave me one of hers. It was barely a week after I surrendered, and God had given me his written word (side note: I strongly encourage you to get a physical bible). Then I started reading the bible, and my life was perfect…the end! Just kidding. I began to do the work. It was a grueling process to renew my mind. I had slowly started looking to the Lord for answers. When I was in pain, I asked Him to heal me. When in doubt, I asked Him for direction. When dealing with fear, I looked to Him for peace. I allowed Him to show me a new way. His way.

The more I approach Him, the deeper our relationship grows. Whether it is reading the bible, praying in my car, attending church, or watching sermons online. I fight my old ways daily to keep my focus on Jesus. Even when I don’t get it right, the Lord knows that I am trying. I see Him in everything now, and when you start to seek Him, you will too.

Bare – God is Love

When you invite God into your life, expect change and brace yourself. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior. But to be honest, I did not know what that meant at the time. So, here I was, turned towards God with my crippled heart (and still acting a pure fool regularly). A heart still filled with pride, worry, fear, doubt, anxiety, anger, and unforgiving towards others. I had spent my whole life allowing influences to move and mold me into someone I didn’t even recognize anymore. But God already knew that. He met me exactly where I was, and he will do the same thing for you! So refuse to turn back, no matter what your story is.

The beginning of my relationship with God was so hard because I did not know how to love. I read my bible regularly, and my heart was slowly changing, but it took time. I used to be fighting the Holy Spirit (swinging with both arms). I found myself overthinking and frustrated all day long about every situation. So, don’t trip if you find yourself frustrated as well. God was trying to let me fall into his love, but I was stuck. To get unstuck, God taught me a neat little trick at the beginning of our relationship that I still use today.

But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

1 John 4:8 (NLT)

In 1 John 4:8 (NLT), it is made clear that “God is love,” and anyone who is not doing that does not know God. Whenever you are in doubt, remind yourself that God is love. So when you are battling what to say or how to react, stop and ask yourself, “Is this love?”. If what you have in mind is aggressive and/or offensive. That is not God; that’s you boo! But if it is gentle and kind. That’s God! You cannot go wrong with that. It’s going to feel weird initially, but to be honest, the more you do it, the stronger you’ll become.